Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Approaching Doom

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

- Bill Shakespeare, Sonnet 116

Tomorrow night, I will step into the car, and every passing mile marker will be as the footsteps of doom.

For tomorrow night we head to Illinois for Julie's bridal shower being hosted by her family. The ladies will be opening presents.

The men will be playing golf.

No longer will I be able to avoid the fell day where I must take to the links with men far better suited to such a game. No longer will I be able to flee past memories, like a child afraid to go back to sleep because he knows the circus clown in his dream is waiting to kill him.

No, I must face my fear. I have practiced for this day. Friends have prepared me as best they can, one of them going so far as to bestow upon me a set of clubs. Like Arthur receiving Excaliber I shall wield them in battle, making sure to turn over my wrists with every swing. I shall not fear men who hit the ball further than I, choosing instead to focus on hitting it straight. I shall unabashedly play the 4-iron off the tee. The woods and sands of the place shall remain a mystery, unexplored.

I'm ready for this. I am ready to play golf.

I am so dead.


Julie said...

Why the Clown???? Are you trying to give me a heart attack (or more like cower with fear while making mewling sounds)?

You do realize you have put both of our greatest fears into one blog post; yours, golfing with the men of my family and mine, being held hostage by a clown.

Gabriel said...

Hit 'em straight.

Andrew said...

I know your dark secret.

LastBestAngryMan said...

Golf is a morally indefensible game! We need that land for housing and food production! It wastes water, resources, and money! The clothes are hideous! We hates it precious, we hates it!

As previously stated, if you wear plus fours, you are dead to me.

But if it happens I want pictures.

DM Osbon said...

Just pick the lightest club & smack the ball towards the flag..er yeah I know nothing about golf either...I spent a weekend at the Celtic Manor in Cardiff a few years ago(the open has been played there)& I never once had the urge to play. i did ride around in a golf buggy for a few hours though!

chornbe said...

All I'll say is that you are SOOOO lucky I can't post pictures in comments. Stephen King's IT carrying a sand wedge would send you right over the edge at this point.

Mia said...

On the last hole... are you gonna tap that ball into Pennywise's mouth for a free game?

(props to Chris for that one!)

Damanick said...

LOL. The clown is hilarious.. is that the same clown from IT by Stephen King?? I just updated my blog> StreetBlabber.com.. check it out and dont 4get to comment!