In the proud American tradition of pointless award giving, I present to you the very first Soul Kerfuffle Man of the Year...
Patrick Byrne, CEO of Overstock.com.
You're probably passingly familiar with Overstock.com (aka "The Big O"), which is basically an Amazon.com clone with only moderately competitive prices and a reputation for horrible customer service. Their commercials typically involve a blonde woman utilizing some of the many items she has found on "The Big O" in lamely suggestive ways.
You're probably less familiar with the wild antics of Patrick Byrne, however. In the past year, "The Big CEO" has pulled the following stunts:
- Claimed he was both gay and a coke addict to financial analysts
- Claimed that the mob was out to get him and would probably plant drugs and dead bodies in his car
- Appeared on Bloomberg TV to declare to a bewildered investment world that holiday sales were "a tad disappointing" (typically, bad sales are announced via a tightly worded press release)
- Accused a number of people, including Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, of a conspiracy to short his stock
- Referred to a "Sith Lord" as the leader of said conspiracy
What truly distinguished Dr. Byrne this year was a conference call he held on August 12, wherein he was supposed to be explaining a lawsuit that had been filed in California court on Overstock.com's behalf.
What we got a rambling mental meltdown the likes of which I don't think I've personally ever seen at the CEO level in corporate America. Included were such gems as:
- "On the coke head thing, and by the way, I’ve never, with one exception, I’ve never even seen cocaine in my life so in case you’re wondering, no, I’m not a coke head."
- "Channel B I put information down that I was a coke head. Now my apologies to my gay friends, both within and without, outside the company, I don’t mean to equate the two. I don’t care. I’m a libertarian and I don’t care at all."
- "I acknowledge that he sounded like he lined his hat with tinfoil."
- "So, here's a box I'm going to put some hedge fund folks. I've got to put all the miscreants in the box marked 'miscreant hedge funds'."
And finally...
"As this went on I started realizing that there was actually some more orchestration here being provided, by what I'm calling here is the Sith Lord or the mastermind. Now, can I tell you who that designated bottom feeder was who was supposed to end up with our company? Can I tell you? I can. But I'm not going to today."
It's even better on audio, which you can get here.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
The Proverbial Jetpack
Way back in the earlier parts of the last century, Isaac Asimov predicted that just about everybody would have jetpacks.
Some of his predictions came true, but a great many did not. One that did not was the jetpack. At the end of the last millennium, I wondered many times, "Where the heck are the jetpacks? Where are the flying cars? THIS is the 21st century???" Could it be that some of the films of the 70s and 80s with their bold visions of what the early 21st century would look like were dead wrong? That we would not be so advanced? Heck, James Bond had a jetpack as early as 1965 in Thunderball!!!!
Well, jetpacks aren't here yet, but something even cooler is close to fruition: commercial space travel. Virgin Galactic recently reached an agreement with New Mexico to build their first spaceport there.
Although this may not be the first time you've heard of Virgin Galactic and its offer to send folks into space for $200,000 a ticket, this agreement means that they could be flying out of New Mexico as early as 2009.
THAT'S the kind of stuff I want to see in the 21st century. Although I can't afford a ticket on that first flight, the thought that I might be able to tour space in my lifetime is just about as cool as it gets.
Some of his predictions came true, but a great many did not. One that did not was the jetpack. At the end of the last millennium, I wondered many times, "Where the heck are the jetpacks? Where are the flying cars? THIS is the 21st century???" Could it be that some of the films of the 70s and 80s with their bold visions of what the early 21st century would look like were dead wrong? That we would not be so advanced? Heck, James Bond had a jetpack as early as 1965 in Thunderball!!!!
Well, jetpacks aren't here yet, but something even cooler is close to fruition: commercial space travel. Virgin Galactic recently reached an agreement with New Mexico to build their first spaceport there.
Although this may not be the first time you've heard of Virgin Galactic and its offer to send folks into space for $200,000 a ticket, this agreement means that they could be flying out of New Mexico as early as 2009.
THAT'S the kind of stuff I want to see in the 21st century. Although I can't afford a ticket on that first flight, the thought that I might be able to tour space in my lifetime is just about as cool as it gets.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Think You're Having a Bad Day?
How'd you like to be the guy responsible for costing his company their entire profits for the fiscal year?
In a story reported today, Japanese firm Mizuho Securities lost 27 billion yen due to a typing error by one of its traders. That's about 224 million US dollars.
It actually could have been a lot worse, but market laws preventing extremely volatile price fluctuations saved the company from losing even more money due to the blunder.
Obviously this raises questions about the trading system, which almost certainly should have thrown up red flags all over the place when the trader attempted to offer 610,000 shares, valued at $3.1 billion, for 1 yen apiece (1 yen is about .0083 US dollars). But how would you like to be the guy who pushed "Submit" on that one?
In a story reported today, Japanese firm Mizuho Securities lost 27 billion yen due to a typing error by one of its traders. That's about 224 million US dollars.
It actually could have been a lot worse, but market laws preventing extremely volatile price fluctuations saved the company from losing even more money due to the blunder.
Obviously this raises questions about the trading system, which almost certainly should have thrown up red flags all over the place when the trader attempted to offer 610,000 shares, valued at $3.1 billion, for 1 yen apiece (1 yen is about .0083 US dollars). But how would you like to be the guy who pushed "Submit" on that one?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
The Kids are Firmly in Control
Julie and I went with two friends to Hershey the day after Thanksgiving for a short weekend trip. We've always enjoyed going there around Christmas time because there are always plenty of Christmas lights, fun activities, and chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
A favorite place to stop in the past has been the Hershey Lodge, which has a real nice upstairs lounge with chocolate martinis and cigars.
This time, however, it was a much different scene.
Ever see the movie Aliens, where the Marines first walk into the hive and the hideous beasts are crawling through every nook and cranny, bringing woe and mayhem with them?
Replace the aliens with children and you've got a pretty good idea of what the Hershey Lodge front lobby looked like when the four of us walked in.
There were so many kids running amok that I'm sure some kind of local zoning ordinance was being broken. I was afraid to take a step for fear of kicking a child.
Perhaps saddest of all were the forlorn looks of hopelessness on the faces of those parents still lucid enough to recognize the chaos for what it was. Other parents sat there quietly in a daze, perhaps hoping that death's cold embrace would take them to a more peaceful place. At one point I even saw a woman sobbing quietly in the corner.
Yes, the kids were firmly in control. If they had wanted, they could have set up their own government right there and the adults would have been powerless to stop them.
The children hadn't just conquered the Hershey Lodge, however. No matter where we went during our brief stay, children were oozing out of every pore in the landscape. Running, screaming, kicking, crying... they were there, like a swarm of locusts devouring everything in their path, leaving naught behind but broken dreams and memories.
Perhaps the most comical quip I heard was made by one of the waitresses, who made the following remark to her comrade in arms that I was fortunate enough to overhear: "I figured out what I want for Christmas. I'm getting my tubes tied."
Here's hoping the parents we left behind made it out with some shred of sanity intact.
A favorite place to stop in the past has been the Hershey Lodge, which has a real nice upstairs lounge with chocolate martinis and cigars.
This time, however, it was a much different scene.
Ever see the movie Aliens, where the Marines first walk into the hive and the hideous beasts are crawling through every nook and cranny, bringing woe and mayhem with them?
Replace the aliens with children and you've got a pretty good idea of what the Hershey Lodge front lobby looked like when the four of us walked in.
There were so many kids running amok that I'm sure some kind of local zoning ordinance was being broken. I was afraid to take a step for fear of kicking a child.
Perhaps saddest of all were the forlorn looks of hopelessness on the faces of those parents still lucid enough to recognize the chaos for what it was. Other parents sat there quietly in a daze, perhaps hoping that death's cold embrace would take them to a more peaceful place. At one point I even saw a woman sobbing quietly in the corner.
Yes, the kids were firmly in control. If they had wanted, they could have set up their own government right there and the adults would have been powerless to stop them.
The children hadn't just conquered the Hershey Lodge, however. No matter where we went during our brief stay, children were oozing out of every pore in the landscape. Running, screaming, kicking, crying... they were there, like a swarm of locusts devouring everything in their path, leaving naught behind but broken dreams and memories.
Perhaps the most comical quip I heard was made by one of the waitresses, who made the following remark to her comrade in arms that I was fortunate enough to overhear: "I figured out what I want for Christmas. I'm getting my tubes tied."
Here's hoping the parents we left behind made it out with some shred of sanity intact.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Suicide by Warcraft
In China, a class action lawsuit is being brought against Blizzard, the makers of World of Warcraft. The suit is being filed on behalf of the parents of a 13 year old boy who they claim leapt to his death "imitating a scene from the game".
Most of the internet chatter you will hear about this is staunchly in defense of Blizzard, and falls back on the tried and true "Parents need to get more involved" argument. It is a legitimate argument, and any kid that throws himself out of a 24 story building to "meet his night elf hero" certainly has issues that go beyond simply too many video games.
But I DO think that people are writing this issue off way too easily. Video game addiction is a serious problem among the youth of China and South Korea, and it is easy to see why: in video games, ESPECIALLY RPGs (Role Playing Games for the truly uninitiated), there is a real opportunity to play in a world much better than the one you're living in.
It wasn't that long ago that a man in South Korea dropped dead of exhaustion and dehydration after over 50 straight hours of Warcraft.
The thing is, these are what appear to be reasonably normal, stable people up until their respective deaths. By all accounts, nobody really saw this coming.
Before anybody gets the wrong idea though, I want to make it clear that I do not feel that Blizzard is responsible for this. I don't feel that television or movies or music or any other media can be held accountable for the actions of somebody too screwed up to separate song lyrics from philosophical foundations upon which to build your lifestyle. If you need other people to tell you the right way to live, you'll find that in religion, political affiliation, or your workplace just as easily as you'll find it in mass media.
However, parents can't be held completely responsible either when a 13 year old kid does something this crazy. Should they have been more involved and monitored their son's video game habits more closely? Hell yes. But you can't tell me any parent can reasonably predict that a child is going to hurl themselves 24 stories to their death in the hopes of meeting their pixelated alter ego.
It is for reasons like this that I don't think the argument "It's the parents' fault" is entirely fair. When it comes to this, a LOT of people screwed up, not just the parents.
Parents need tools to be able to do their job. With TV, you can get a chip that blocks certain ratings of shows if you feel they are unacceptable. The shows aren't the problem in my opinion, but the option is important because its very availability makes parents think and talk about their child's viewing habits.
Similarly, Blizzard recently introduced parental controls (some speculate because of this incident) for World of Warcraft, whereby a time limit can be set on play time. This, too, is a good tool.. by itself it does nothing, but again its availability will make parents consider the issue.
The Chinese government is even talking about regulating online play time themselves. This is rife with a host of issues (economics being the least of them), but this would only cure the symptoms, not the problem. Remember, these people are dead because there wasn't happiness for them in the REAL WORLD. Without Warcraft, I would argue that the odds are very good they would have killed themselves some other way.
Which brings me (finally) to the real point: regulating online video games is no more ridiculous than regulating the radio airwaves, the television airwaves, or anything else that exposes people to content beyond their direct control. So it's time to stop chuckling under our breaths about how ridiculous China is for considering these measures and realize we do the exact same thing here.
And guess what? All the regulation in the world isn't going to stop a confused kid from making a really bad decision or an already depressed, recently unemployed guy with nothing to live for from ending his misery in whatever way he deems best.
Most of the internet chatter you will hear about this is staunchly in defense of Blizzard, and falls back on the tried and true "Parents need to get more involved" argument. It is a legitimate argument, and any kid that throws himself out of a 24 story building to "meet his night elf hero" certainly has issues that go beyond simply too many video games.
But I DO think that people are writing this issue off way too easily. Video game addiction is a serious problem among the youth of China and South Korea, and it is easy to see why: in video games, ESPECIALLY RPGs (Role Playing Games for the truly uninitiated), there is a real opportunity to play in a world much better than the one you're living in.
It wasn't that long ago that a man in South Korea dropped dead of exhaustion and dehydration after over 50 straight hours of Warcraft.
The thing is, these are what appear to be reasonably normal, stable people up until their respective deaths. By all accounts, nobody really saw this coming.
Before anybody gets the wrong idea though, I want to make it clear that I do not feel that Blizzard is responsible for this. I don't feel that television or movies or music or any other media can be held accountable for the actions of somebody too screwed up to separate song lyrics from philosophical foundations upon which to build your lifestyle. If you need other people to tell you the right way to live, you'll find that in religion, political affiliation, or your workplace just as easily as you'll find it in mass media.
However, parents can't be held completely responsible either when a 13 year old kid does something this crazy. Should they have been more involved and monitored their son's video game habits more closely? Hell yes. But you can't tell me any parent can reasonably predict that a child is going to hurl themselves 24 stories to their death in the hopes of meeting their pixelated alter ego.
It is for reasons like this that I don't think the argument "It's the parents' fault" is entirely fair. When it comes to this, a LOT of people screwed up, not just the parents.
Parents need tools to be able to do their job. With TV, you can get a chip that blocks certain ratings of shows if you feel they are unacceptable. The shows aren't the problem in my opinion, but the option is important because its very availability makes parents think and talk about their child's viewing habits.
Similarly, Blizzard recently introduced parental controls (some speculate because of this incident) for World of Warcraft, whereby a time limit can be set on play time. This, too, is a good tool.. by itself it does nothing, but again its availability will make parents consider the issue.
The Chinese government is even talking about regulating online play time themselves. This is rife with a host of issues (economics being the least of them), but this would only cure the symptoms, not the problem. Remember, these people are dead because there wasn't happiness for them in the REAL WORLD. Without Warcraft, I would argue that the odds are very good they would have killed themselves some other way.
Which brings me (finally) to the real point: regulating online video games is no more ridiculous than regulating the radio airwaves, the television airwaves, or anything else that exposes people to content beyond their direct control. So it's time to stop chuckling under our breaths about how ridiculous China is for considering these measures and realize we do the exact same thing here.
And guess what? All the regulation in the world isn't going to stop a confused kid from making a really bad decision or an already depressed, recently unemployed guy with nothing to live for from ending his misery in whatever way he deems best.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
4-5
I knew I should've picked the video game.
Somebody get Ralph Nader on the horn. I need him to write a letter to the Eagles on my behalf demanding those 3 hours of my life back.
Somebody get Ralph Nader on the horn. I need him to write a letter to the Eagles on my behalf demanding those 3 hours of my life back.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Football vs. Video Games
On Sunday I went to a bar with the NFL Sunday Ticket package. My girlfriend is a Bears fan, and since their games are not typically televised in our area, we decided to head out so we could watch them a bit.
I figured with 5 games on at once, it should be pretty entertaining. Odds should be pretty good that at any given point, football would be actively being played, right?
How wrong I was. Over and over again during the stay, all games would simultaneously be dealing with a stoppage in play due to penalties, injuries, booth reviews, or commercials.
And people call baseball boring.
On the other side of the entertainment coin, I took my first crack at Civilization IV over the weekend. I foolishly started a game at around 10 PM, figuring I'd just try the game out a bit before I went to bed.
"A bit" turned into 6 hours, and I went to sleep at 4 AM.
So now I'm faced with a real dilemma tonight. Do I watch the Eagles game, which has a real good chance of being somewhere between annoying and horrible, OR do I play Civilization IV and guarantee myself an enjoyable evening?
I figured with 5 games on at once, it should be pretty entertaining. Odds should be pretty good that at any given point, football would be actively being played, right?
How wrong I was. Over and over again during the stay, all games would simultaneously be dealing with a stoppage in play due to penalties, injuries, booth reviews, or commercials.
And people call baseball boring.
On the other side of the entertainment coin, I took my first crack at Civilization IV over the weekend. I foolishly started a game at around 10 PM, figuring I'd just try the game out a bit before I went to bed.
"A bit" turned into 6 hours, and I went to sleep at 4 AM.
So now I'm faced with a real dilemma tonight. Do I watch the Eagles game, which has a real good chance of being somewhere between annoying and horrible, OR do I play Civilization IV and guarantee myself an enjoyable evening?
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