Why Getting Old is Awesome

A friend of mine (the LastBestAngryMan) just had a birthday, and he seemed pretty down about the whole idea of getting old.

Now, this is a concept I've never been able to really grasp. Getting older is WAY better than being a kid. In fact, I am looking forward with great excitement to the day when I'm 80 years old, sitting on a park bench, waving my cane at "those rotten teenagers" and whining about "kids today" to anyone who will pretend to listen.

Apparently, however, I am not in the majority opinion on this. I lot of people fear getting old. A lot of people fear dying.

Let's compare being young to being old, shall we?

YOUNG: A good portion of the time you're young, drinking beer is illegal. Sure you can still get it, but you often end up having to run from cops or, worse, hiding from your parents.
OLD: You can acquire beer easily and cheaply.

YOUNG: You can't play any games at a casino.
OLD: There are buses that will take you there leaving every day.

YOUNG: Girls are icky at first, then you realize you want to go out with them. This brings the realization that there are many, many things you need to do and say to attract them. This often requries doing things you don't really want to do in the first place, and many more things you don't want to do once they consent to a date.
OLD: You're too old to care what that girl thinks of you.

YOUNG: Everyone wants to correct every opinion you have because you're too young to know what you're talking about.
OLD: You can tell young people they don't know what they're talking about.

YOUNG: Flirting with a girl could result in a) getting shot down horribly, b) getting a drink thrown in your face, c) getting slapped, d) getting the snot kicked out of you by her boyfriend.
OLD: Flirting with a girl will almost always result in a smile since nobody takes such remarks seriously at your age.

This is just a sampling of the advantages. I haven't even covered things like the social acceptibility of going to the track all day to bet the ponies or complaining ceaselessly about "The way things used to be", with everyone who wasn't born then powerless to argue.

Plus, in all seriousness, it's just a lot more relaxing. (Note: This does not apply if you have kids.)

So anyway, to my friend, I say get old! Enjoy! Even if getting older does remind you of your own mortality, just remember: you were dead for millions of years before you were born, and it didn't bother you much then, did it?