Tuesday, March 15, 2005

A Sporting Nerd

In case you can't tell, I like sports.

However, I've never been particularly good at them. I played a little baseball in high school, but that was something that sort of happened by accident: a friend gave me his glove to fill in for him as I wandered by fly ball practice (I'm not sure what he was doing exactly), and when the coach huddled up the team I was left with no choice but to run in with everyone else. Naturally the coach looked at me and said, "Who the heck are you?" Next thing I knew I was on the team, which carried with it the obvious advantage of getting out of class early for road games, along with a letter in baseball that drove the chicks wild. Or at least it would have if I knew any.

Anyway, I haven't played an organized sport in about a decade. My girlfriend talked me into joining this co-ed recreational football league (Manayunk Sport and Social) with a random conglomerate of people that she knows (our team name is "One Hot Mess").

Since I got talked into it, all the old anxieties that come along with being a physically inept dork that I thought I had gotten over years ago have come back to bite me in the arse again. I mean seriously... I'm 26 years old. I'm supposed to be comfortable with myself. How is it, then, that I'm so nervous about making an idiot of myself on the football field this Saturday and many Saturdays after that?

Let's face it: a career in computer programming is not exactly very good preparation for a season of football. I've been running every couple of days for the last month and a half since I got talked into this in a desperate attempt to prepare myself (which in and of itself is a comical sight... I sort of look like Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch Out running around with my warmup pants and my hoodie), but a few weeks of running isn't going to repair the damage done by years of Dungeons and Dragons, video games, and coding.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm a fat slob or anything (yet), but I'm not exactly going to look like T.O. out there either.

Some of you might be thinking: "Come on, Yeager... what's the worst that can happen?"

If this is what you're thinking, than you were obviously never a nerd. I'll tell you what the worst that can happen is: all the girls on the team are going to laugh at me, my girlfriend is going to run off with the hot jock, and I'll have nothing but the warm glow of the computer screen and this blog to comfort me (sob).


The Uber Dude said...

Well...you forgot the fact that you could get injured. And publically humiliated. And reminded yet again of the unspoken caste system that exists in our culture, bringing you to such a point of despair that you become ill or suicidal.

But you forgot one other source of possible comfort: Pie. Pie is always there for you, bringing you many many nanoseconds of ecstasy as you down it on your way to joyous fat-slobdom.

Elmar said...

Hey, they offer soccer as well! In case they throw you of the football team you can still start with that. From the (2) pictures it looks so understaffed that it is very likely that you are one of the top guns on this one. Great sport ;-)!

chornbe said...

Jeezuz, Yeager.

Man up. What? You going for the Pinkston trophy or what?

robustyoungsoul said...

Now chornbe, that is just both low and crass.

chornbe said...

Go bounce a server. I hear they don't hit back.


... often.

robustyoungsoul said...

I'll serve you, punk. You don't go throwing around insults like "Pinkston" and expect to walk away without a sound beating.

chornbe said...

I have only this to say:

All hail Daunte Culpepper!


chornbe said...

PS... if there are two more mismatched words than Pinkston and Beating... please.

Julie (Girlfriend) said...

I say you need to embrace being called a "nerd." People are called "nerds" for many different reasons and being a computer programmer is just one of them. People call me a nerd for being obsessed with Manayunk Sport and Social. They also call me a nerd for watching The OC. People in high school used to call me a nerd for being smart. I have come to realize that they are right, I am a nerd. But who cares, those things are what make me who I am and I like who I am.

So what if you are not the MVP of OneHotMess. You are certainly not going to be any worse than Pinkston and no one is an all-star, otherwise they would be playing for real and not for a free beer.

robustyoungsoul said...

That kind of reasonable and level-headed argument can only mean one thing... you're trying to soften the coming blow when you tell me I suck and you're going to date the quarterback!!! AAAAAAAH!!!

Actually, I'm looking forward to getting outside and running around. And getting a free beer. Followed by more beers for which I shall pay money if I must.

chornbe said...

Quarterbacks are so yesterday.

Julie's all about the kicker ;)

PS... just good natured ribbin'. get out there, have fun, fall in the mud, spend time with friends. If you don't, you'll regret not having done so when you're old and broken like me. When I was your age.. yes, this is the part where you come sit at the feet of the old guy talking and show reverence... I already had a couple of kids and a career to bolster. I missed a lot of weekend football games with the friends. But, hey... Look at me now. Corporate. Cynical. Old.

Ok, ok... enough feelin' sorry for myself. Damn, now my cheerio's are all wet from my uncontrollable sobbing.

PPS... you'll notice the ridiculous timestamp on this post and realize I'll probably not be in today (Friday) as I've been up for hours and hours trying to find a way to get back to sleep. Gee, think I succeeded? (sigh)